Sneak Peek From Tom Goodlet’s Upcoming Book, Listen Like Jesus (Working Title)
Power Playing is a common communication barrier that is tempting to fall into. Sometimes we get the idea that a person who is stuck in a problem needs a little verbal kick in the pants to get unstuck. We use whatever power or influence we have over them to give some authority and weight to our words.
Examples of power-playing responses might sound like, “Suck it up, buttercup, and make it happen!” “You’d better figure it out!” “If you don’t find a way to solve this, then I can’t promote you.” “If you want your vacation time off, you will find a way to make this better sooner than later.” Typically, our attempt is to get people with problems to focus on the issue at hand and inspire them to figure it out with a sense of urgency and consequence. Unfortunately, this method stresses people out who are already stressed by their original problem. It pushes them farther into their back brain. They then feel unsupported, unheard, alone, heading towards a loss.
I was once on a call with a supervisor whose team participated in a Reverse Evaluation and scored him low, particularly in the areas of listening and problem-solving. While reviewing the messages his team was trying to tell him, this supervisor, frustratedly, retorted to me, “Tom, one thing I don’t like about this reverse evaluation is that there is no place for appreciation of having an open-door policy.”
I replied, “There is a good reason for that. It is because having an open-door policy is a bad idea.” I went on to explain that sometimes we find ourselves playing by rules that are not rules. Somewhere along the line, we heard the term open-door policy and thought that it was something we should do. The problem with having an open-door policy is that it requires you to always be available to everyone. If you embrace that philosophy, then you will never be productive, just frustrated.
That is what was occurring. This supervisor repeatedly told his team that he had an open-door policy, and they took him up on it. They would show up at his door ready to share their problems. Do you think he was ready to be a great listener and facilitate a problem-solving conversation where the person with the problem could remain in the best position to solve their problem? Nope. He just felt interrupted. He had important work to do, but couldn’t get it done. So, to shorten the interruptions, he would just tell them to figure it out, or else. He came across grumpy. He didn’t inspire them to solve anything. They would walk away with two problems. First, they felt unheard, and their problem still existed. Second, they had to walk on eggshells around a grumpy boss.
If you use power-playing words on your people, they won’t thank you for it. They will resent you and use power against you when given the opportunity. That is what his direct reports did. They told on him. They let him have it when given the chance to evaluate him.
This supervisor and I went on to work out a plan where, rather than being available all the time, he would designate and communicate certain times of the day when he was accessible to his team. This also meant there were designated and communicated times of the day when he was not accessible, so that he could get his most important work done.
There is not enough time in the day to do everything to please everybody. So, we need to pick the right people to disappoint at the right time. If you choose to tell people just to figure it out or threaten them with a consequence, they will just be disappointed with you. Most often, they will find a way to quit you eventually.
People hire organizations and quit their boss. You may think it would be great to get a job at Disney or Google. However, if you get a lousy supervisor, you will quit Disney or Google. The number one influence in whether an employee enjoys their job is not themselves; it is their direct supervisor. The supervisor can influence up to 70% of the overall job satisfaction of an employee. Do you know what the number one complaint in the American workplace is? It is, “My boss doesn’t listen to me.”
If you bark out orders or threats, it will inspire your people. It will inspire them to quit you. The good news is that there is a better way, but it involves resisting the temptation to power play.
#leadershipdevelopment #powerplay #skilldevelopment