On a recent trip to Paris, my wife and I found ourselves on a wine tour in the French countryside. If you’re picturing lots of wine, amazing cheese, and an idyllic setting…that’s exactly what it was.
None of that was surprising. We knew it would be amazing. But we were in for a surprise on that wine tour. Our surprise came in the form of a woman from Boston. She had a strong accent and even stronger opinions.
I ended up seated next to her for several hours. She talked.
And talked.
And talked some more.
She shared her views on politics, parenting, relationships, regional pastries (all the important things.) I didn’t agree with most of what she said. In fact, if I’m honest, I didn’t particularly enjoy everything she said. But I listened actively. I asked open questions. I nodded. And I gave her attention. (Well, as much attention as one can give a stranger on a wine tour of the French countryside with your wife.)
At the end of the tour, she gave me a big hug and said, “You get me!”
The truth is, I didn’t agree with her at all. But she felt heard and understood.
That moment reminded me of something I’ve been learning through the course of my life: People don’t feel connected to you because you say the perfect thing. They feel connected when they believe they’ve been heard.
Ready for a real confession?
Somewhere along the way, I made a bit of a hobby out of this game. I meet strangers, and then I try to see if I can make them like me through listening. I do it in airports, Ubers, waiting rooms, hotel lobbies, and even on wine tours. It’s weird, I know. But you’d be surprised how effective it is. People are drawn to those who give them the gift of attention.
Of course, it’s not really a game at all. It’s a leadership principle.
When we picture a great leader, we tend to think of great speakers, vision-casters, motivators, and charismatic figures. But I’m convinced the real superpower in leadership is the ability to listen. And the less you automatically agree with someone, the less you relate to someone, and even the less you initially like someone, the more powerful it is.
Listening builds trust and opens doors. It has the power to de-escalate tension. It allows you to gain insight you otherwise wouldn’t have. Most importantly, it helps those you lead to feel seen, valued, and safe.
This month, we’re diving into what it means to be a listening leader. Whether you’re meeting with a team member, navigating a difficult conversation, or simply building trust across your organization, the way you listen matters more than you think.
The good news is you don’t need a wine tour or a stranger from Boston to get started. Just a willingness to care enough to let someone feel heard.
Cheers to leading better, one conversation at a time.
Tom
#leadershipdevelopment
#activelistening
#likeability