When my boys were little, they had a truly remarkable talent for getting under each other’s skin. One day, the back-and-forth pestering escalated to the point where I had enough. I called them over and laid out their options:
- Hug it out and forgive each other.
- Fight it out using karate. (With no kicks to the face, of course. We’re not barbarians!)
- Put on boxing gloves and go a few rounds.
In a flash, they dashed upstairs and returned moments later, dressed in their karate uniforms, both wearing boxing gloves. If nothing else, I appreciated their commitment to the bit.
While I don’t know that I would have won a “Parent of the Year” award for this style of parenting, I do know that they boxed and kicked it out until they were both exhausted. By the end of it, the whole thing turned into a full-blown family wrestling match with everyone laughing. In their minds, the problem was solved.
Of course, most workplace conflicts can’t be settled in a makeshift boxing ring. (And HR tends to frown upon it.) But what that day taught me is that conflict isn’t really about competition; it’s about solving a problem.
Too often, leaders treat conflicts like battles where one person must win and the other must lose. The truth is that everyone loses when people on the same team see each other as adversaries. The real goal of handling conflict isn’t about “winning.” It’s about finding the real problem, solving it together, and creating a path forward that works for the whole team.
So, how do you handle conflict like a leader?
That’s exactly what we’re exploring this month. As we’ll see, the skills you model as a leader will set the tone for your entire organization. The skills you equip your team members with will determine whether you can successfully navigate conflict and solve problems together or whether your problems are destined to grow worse over time.
With patience, active listening, and strong problem-solving skills, you can create a culture where conflict is a stepping-stone for growth.
As for my boys, they still have their moments, but they’ve also learned that working through their differences makes them stronger. Thankfully, no boxing gloves are required these days.
At least, not that I know of.
