There are times in life when I am certain I am communicating well, and I am completely wrong.
A number of years ago, I was in Chile on a mission trip. Now, I had taken three years of Spanish in high school, which means I knew just enough to be dangerous and not nearly enough to be helpful. Early in the trip, I asked a group of Chilean students how to say something like “cool.” They gave me a word, and I was excited. I finally had something I could use in conversation.
So I used it.
A lot.
Every time something good happened, I dropped that word. Every time someone did something impressive, I used it again. All week long, I was confidently affirming people in what I thought was their language.
At one point, one of the missionaries pulled me aside. He said, “Hey, I’ve noticed you keep using that word.” I smiled, proud of my growing Spanish vocabulary. Then he explained where the word actually came from.
It turns out, the word I thought meant “cool” had a very different meaning. It was not encouraging. It was not uplifting. It was not even close.
Essentially, I had been using their equivalent of the “F” word, but a much more violent version.
I had been saying something very different than what I intended, repeatedly, all week long.
It was a humbling moment.
What struck me later was not just the language barrier. It was the communication barrier. I had good intentions. I was trying to connect. I was trying to encourage. But the words I was using were not accomplishing what I thought they were.
Just because we are using words does not mean we are helping.
This shows up in leadership all too often. Someone comes to us with a problem, and we jump in to fix it. We offer advice. We tell them how to look at it. We try to help quickly. Our intentions are good, but our words can shut down the conversation. Instead of helping them move forward, we keep them stuck.
This month, we are talking about four communication barriers that seem helpful, but actually hinder communication. Because leadership is not just about speaking, it is about making sure what we say actually helps.
Tom
#leadershipdevelopment #leader #listening